Managing Your Stress Level: Decreasing Anxiety

Hi guys, Dr. Debi here. Have you noticed how anxious people have become over the past few years? Did you know that anxiety is often expressed with angry words? No wonder we’re having such a hard time just getting along with one another.

I was on Twitter one day, and a young woman was saying that she was absolutely terrified. People were replying to her tweets, giving her feedback, and trying to be helpful.

She was thanking people for their encouragement. In her next tweet, you could tell that her anxiety had just spiked all over again. It was so sad to see her struggle like that.

And I realized that something has missing in how we've been telling people to cope with anxiety during this time of global challenges and changes. Our stress levels are high. We're worried about going broke or becoming ill. So, today I have two problems and two solutions for you. Neither costs money nor has any negative side effects. And both will help reduce your anxiety fairly quickly.

The first problem is allowing news, social media, and even entertainment to affect your physical and emotional wellbeing. The solution? Stop watching the news 24/7. No more following click-bait titles on YouTube. No matter which side of the issues you’re on, you already know the narrative by now. Watching angry people spew angry words automatically evokes your physical and emotional response. In other words, you will automatically launch into fight, flight, or freeze mode. These defensive modes are designed for your survival. But who wants to live in survival mode?

Yes, you have the power to set yourself free from the trap by limiting the amount of time that you’re watching the news or scrolling through social media. And if you are on social media, which I hope you are, because I want you to see this video. But when a post or a video triggers a strong physical or emotional response, then stop watching, unfollow, do whatever you need to do to really take good care of yourself. Including me! Remember, I’m here to help. But if what I say isn’t helpful for you right where you are, then just move on. I’m okay with that, and you should be, too. You can always come back later, when you’re more curious about how healthy relationships work. Lord willing and the creek don’t rise, I’ll still be here to share what I’ve learned to be true about the opposite sex.

The other problem is with your solution to anxiety. You may be trying to use your prefrontal cortex, the front part of your brain to try to cope with something that's happening in the back of your head, in the survival part of your brain.

When you're afraid or anxious, your heart rate goes up, your breathing becomes shallow, and you're ready for action. And that's great if you actually have something that you can do physically to eliminate the challenge or to protect yourself.

But most of the anxiety you’re experiencing is not due to something that you can actually go out and fight in that way. Instead, you sit and spin in that state of arousal where it feels really, really scary. You tell yourself, don't be afraid, don't be afraid, don't be afraid.

Doing that's kind of like saying don't think about pink elephants. When you tell yourself that, all you can see are pink elephants. You haven't yet addressed where it actually is taking place in your person. Your body’s response will override your reason. It's your primary survival mechanism. That extra boost of energy is designed to kick in so you can do the things you need to protect yourself. However, continued exposure to negativity, anger, and fear is hijacking your system. Emotion-filled visual, auditory, even sensory messages, go straight to that part of your brain that throws you into the fight, flight, or freeze.

That's why it's so incredibly important to limit exposure to negativity, to more fear. Not that I don't want you to know what's going on in the world. You need to know what's going on. You need to be informed, but you do not need to be afraid.

What’s the solution? How do you calm yourself down when your autonomic nervous system is taking over? How can you stop it from running your life and ruining your life? There is a hack, a way you can override your autonomic response without negative side effects.

Several years ago, I attended a professional networking breakfast at the University of California-Irvine. The speaker was saying that you can't control your autonomic nervous system. A psychiatrist was sitting at the same table with me, and as soon as the speaker‘s words left her mouth, the psychiatrist and I, both at the same time, said, oh yes you can.

In fact, you can control your autonomic nervous system simply by breathing. Now most people say, yeah, I know how to do deep breathing. I've done this a bazillion times in counseling sessions. I say, show me how you breathe, and they'll go ….

Then I explain and demonstrate the right way to do deep breathing. Because if you repeat heavy chest breathing several times, can make yourself even more nervous.

Instead, you want to breathe from your diaphragm. It takes practice to master. To make sure you're doing it correctly, lie flat on your back with a pillow under your knees, not under your head because you want your chest to be open. Place a large book on your bellybutton as your guide. Then take in air so that you push that book towards the ceiling slowly. Don't make it so slow that you feel like you're not getting enough air. Just push it up as slowly as you can and lower it as slowly as you can. Repeat the process for about four minutes.

Some people like to use like a four-minute music track. Spa music works well. Something that feels ambient. Not anything that spurs you to sing along in your mind. But just something very calming. The music also has a calming effect and helps you know if you’ve reached the four-minute mark without watching the clock or an intrusive alarm going off.

If you've experienced trauma in the past, this could be more difficult for you as you've inched your way up from a baseline over time. Your baseline is now here and the more anxiety that you experience, your baseline becomes higher, and it's harder to bring it back down after each elevation.

That’s why it takes practice. It may not help all that much the first time you try it, although it may. Your goal is four minutes, four times a day. Before you rise in the morning, around lunchtime, before dinner, and before bed.

Once you’ve mastered the technique of bellybutton breathing, you will be able to do it while you're sitting or standing or in any position without anyone realizing what you’re doing. I've even used it at the dentist because it's so simple. I usually talk my way through difficult things, but you can't talk with dental instruments in your mouth, and your dentist can get his work. But your dentist won’t mind at all if you’re breathing.

So, there you have it: 4 minutes, 4 times a day to learn. Then use the technique as often as you like. Anytime you first start feeling yourself starting to get a little anxious, just drop into your bellybutton breathing, abdominal breathing, using your diaphragm, however you want to think of it, just drop into that and you'll see an instant change begin to happen.

Would you like to test yourself on this solution?

Before you begin, write down where you are on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of your anxiety at the moment, with 1 being, I’m perfectly calm, and 10 being, I'm terrified. Do bellybutton breathing for four minutes. Then check in again to ask yourself, did it move at all? Did it move even one point? Did it move three points? That's the way you know if it's working or not. It may take you more time than that, and that's okay. Again, depending on what your baseline is, it can be harder to get back to a calm state.

I hope this information helps. If you have any questions, drop them down in the comments below. Remember, this video is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to replace a professional evaluation or treatment for emotional and relational concerns. If you are experiencing severe distress or believe you may be a victim of domestic violence, please contact a licensed mental health professional for assistance. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.