The Ultimate Desire Of Every Man

I don't think we realize as women just how emotionally starved our men are. When they're babies, when they're little boys, we just, we dote on them. You know, moms are usually pretty close to their little boys. You know, occasionally there's a situation where she wanted a girl, and she's not so nice to the little boy.

But generally speaking, boys have at least some experience of being loved by a woman, their mom. And then all of a sudden when they turn two, three, four, five, certainly by the time they get into kindergarten, they don't get that so much anymore. They hear that big boys aren't supposed to cry and don't be a crybaby and what are you going to do about it and get over it and all kinds of stuff. And that doesn't stop.

The rejection that a boy experiences from his mom at some point and then other people as he grows older for his emotional needs is catastrophic. It's just huge and we don't even realize it. Because men are taught don't show anybody that. Don't show that tender side of who you are. Don't be a sissy. Get over it.

Just because they hide it doesn't mean it's gone anywhere. It's still there. It's still a primary need. Men are human beings and human beings all need someone who's available and responsive to emotional needs. And we don't even recognize men's emotional needs, and they try to hide them. Then here I come talking about The Wonder of a Man. A guy hears my message, and it blows him out of the water. He’s like oh my gosh because here are those emotional needs they had been disconnected from, they'd been trying really hard to deny. Now I’ve just brought front and center. I've actually had a couple of different men over the years confess that it's kind of scary to be that exposed because in the past, that level of exposure of his emotional need has been shamed. They've been made fun of for it.

Every man knows at his core that's what he needs. Throughout the lifespan, a man craves a woman's attention. First it's his mom, then he gets a little older and he starts craving the attention of the girls in his class. You know that whole thing of pulling the girls' hair or chasing her or whatever. He's trying to get her attention. He does dumb things in elementary school to get the girl's attention.

And then puberty strikes and he wants to get a girl's attention because now his hormones are starting to rage and he doesn't know what to do with them. I mean I've watched my sons try to get up the nerve to call a girl.

I watched one of them take a half an hour. This was back years ago – long before cell phones. He took the phone in his bedroom and he was gone for the longest time. And he'd come out and then he'd go back. And then he'd come out and then he'd go back. And he finally got the nerve to dial. And when he came out the last time, he put the phone down really hard. I won't say he threw it.

But he was upset. I'm like, what happened? And he goes, I finally got the nerve to dial her number, and her line was busy. And it was like, oh my gosh, he'd gone through all of that misery, and he got a busy signal. You'd have to remember busy signals. We don't have that anymore. Now people just get voicemail. But still, it was so devastating for him to even think about putting himself out there. That vulnerability is so deep and if a man's going to survive to adulthood he's got to figure a way to hide it because it's not safe for him to show it. So if his wife doesn't pick up on his vulnerability and his desire for her attention, then somebody else is going to come along that's going to give him that attention without him even asking for it. Someone else is going to notice that he has a new shirt. Somebody else is going to notice what a good job he did on his presentation. Somebody else is going to notice that he opened the door for her. Right there, he's getting the attention and the appreciation and the admiration and at some level the affection that he's starving for.

So I think it's critical that women be educated in the fact that a man is starving – first and foremost – for female attention … throughout his lifespan. Even the really old guys, like in their eighties, still love female attention. Several stories come to my mind right away about that because it's a desire that never goes away. It's like men were designed for it. And if you go back to the Garden of Eden, you’ll remember that man was alone, and God's answer was a woman.

That's the way I think it's supposed to be. We're here to meet his emotional needs, and he takes care of us, not in a way that's dysfunctional or that you can't survive on your own, because that's not even realistic. But you do it in a marriage, in this beautiful, beautiful dance. That's bonding, it bonds the two of you together. It's amazing, I love it. And that's why I keep doing what I do.