The Shocking Truth About Men That Will Blow Your Mind

I've spent my lifetime studying men. They're such fascinating and confusing human beings, and I keep learning more about them all the time. This may sound strange to you, but it’s absolutely true. When I was a teenager – and well into young adulthood, I didn’t believe men had feelings. They certainly didn’t show any emotions or talk about emotions. They seemed impervious to everything. And if you pushed a man to respond to something – anything – he would become even more stoic. Which only confirmed my hypothesis. I didn’t know he was only letting me see his protective armor. There was so much more going on inside than he was willing to disclose. I’m not talking about one particular man. I’m talking about virtually every man I knew!

When the lightbulb finally went on for me during graduate school, I was surprised by the fascinating truth. In reality, men are far more sensitive than women. When I say that in front of a group of people, the women look at me like they think I'm nuts. But it's really true. In fact, research shows that from the moment of birth, baby boys are much more sensitive than baby girls. They cry more. They're harder to soothe. They're also a lot more interactive with their surroundings. They laugh and coo more than baby girls do.

Their sensitivity continues throughout life. They're so much more socially and emotionally sensitive. Now you're probably asking, “If that's true, then why is my husband always closed off from me?” That's a question I hear a lot.

He has a good reason, and we're going explore that. But first we need to talk about how we nurture a little boy. I have three boys of my own, so I've raised men. I know what that's like.

Women who have both boys and girls will often say that their boys are far more sensitive than their girls are, that they demand more attention and such. The sad part is that by the time a boy gets to kindergarten, most of that sensitivity has been shamed out of him. He still hurts more, he feels more rejected than a girl does, but he's learned not to show it.

In one study, researchers observed preschool children on the playground. If a little girl was offended by another child, the caregiver tended to come to her rescue right away. They’d try to get the other child or children to be kinder to her or to give back her toy or otherwise rectify whatever had happened.

But if the child happened to be a little boy, the caregiver tended to pull back and wait to see how the boy handled it. If he came to the caregiver for help, oftentimes he would be met with a question, “What's wrong?” Or “Why are you crying?” Once he had justified his tears, he would be asked, “What are you gonna do about it?”

That study helped explain how the tenderness that boys are born with gets shamed out of them at a very early age. And it goes on through life. Boys and mean learn to put up huge walls to protect their hearts. They pretend like nothing bothers them, but in most cases, what happens really does bother them.

Now when I say that boys are more sensitive than girls, it's a different kind of sensitivity. Girls are much more prone to getting their feelings hurt, just as women are more prone to getting their feelings hurt.

On the other hand, little boys are more likely to be hurt by their sense of inadequacy. Thoughts such as, “I'm not good enough” or “Big boys don’t cry.” Men have a similar reaction because they're sensitive emasculating words and behaviors that imply that they're not real men.

One of the most hurtful things a woman can say to a man is, “You need to grow up.” That is incredibly emasculating, as are a bazillion other things that some women sometimes say to men. It doesn’t help him to be a better person to pile on more shame.

Pause for a moment to evaluate what you say and how he responds to you. If you’re not getting a positive response, then more than likely something has hurt or shamed him. It probably won’t be obvious to you, but the solution will be simple. If you wanted to maintain a dysfunctional relationship, you would find out what his sensitivities are, then push his buttons as often as you can. Believe it or not, I’ve watched women do that right in front of me – at the same time they are asking for my help. I remember one woman in particular who did that, but I’ll save that story for another day.

A man’s vulnerability is also triggered when he’s not feeling well. Whether he's hurt himself physically or he's got the flu, he craves female attention like he got from his mom when he was little. Some women get sarcastic about it, if not to his face, then she vents about it to her friends. That’s called contempt, and it’s not only highly toxic, but also a powerful predictor of divorce. Sadly, this is one of the rare times when men actually express their vulnerability.

Yes, I doted on my boys when they were little. I hugged them, kissed them. I have a grandson who's nine years old. He’s still as sweet as he was when he was 5. He just has a lot more opinions to share. He still loves to hug. And he looks into my eyes when we’re talking. I don't get to see him that often. But he's just a real sweet little guy. His teenage brother was the same way at that age. But at some point, we stop nurturing boys. We start expecting them to act grown up, usually about the time they enter kindergarten.

So, when a man gets the flu, he wants to be taken care of. Women, especially as mothers, learn to adapt out of necessity. We can push through some pretty rough stuff. Not always, but we usually do it pretty well.

But a guy spends most of his time plowing through tons and tons of stuff, trying to make a living, trying to keep going. He doesn't take usually take that kind of time for himself, but that's one time when he is sensitive to and craves your feminine attention. We don’t want to shame him for being human, right? I hope that makes sense. Feel free to leave you comments and questions below. And remember, I’m here to help.