A Wise Woman builds her houseNov 01, 2021
Just this past summer (2021). I closed my clinical practice and decided to launch a whole new endeavor called: A Wise Woman's Guide to Men and Marriage (TM).
A lot of folks out there think that I’m saying I’m the wise woman. Although I have some wisdom, that's actually not what I’m talking about.
- I’m the guide to the wise woman and
- the wise woman is you!
That’s pretty cool, isn't it?
I really value what you have to say. I value your experience. I know the struggles that you're having because I’ve been there, too!
- My parents split up before I turned three years old, and I didn't see my dad for 37 years. If that doesn't leave you confused about men, then I don't know what does!
- Then I married at 18, had three sons, and ended up divorced. Three sons. I had to figure out guys! I know what it's like to not know which way is up.
- I had to figure out how to create a better life. I started studying men. I went to college. I went to grad school, and I worked in counseling with men for more than 20 years. Oftentimes men and their wives. Sometimes just the wives.
So I have had lots of experience in the area of relationships.
What I’ve learned is that the woman has far more power than she realizes she does to change a situation. But she needs to develop three qualities.
1. Be brave.
The first thing she needs is to be brave. She needs to be brave enough to want to learn the truth about what relationships look like and what a man's experience is, particularly his experience of her in their relationship. That’s hard to hear, and most men won't tell their wives what their experience is like.
I know because I’ve been listening to men talk about their hopes and their fears for more than 20 years. So trust me when I tell you this is what the guy is experiencing. There’s a 99% chance that I’m right in telling you what it's like for him. Nobody else is going to tell you that. He’s certainly not. He doesn't want to hurt your feelings, and he doesn't want to make you angry. So he keeps his pain to himself and leads “a life of quiet desperation.” You know that quote is a famous one, and one that really fits here.
But it takes a brave woman to be able to look at his experience. “How does he experience me? What things have I believed about him that just aren't true?”
It’s incredibly important to be brave enough to seek the truth about who a man is.
2. Be confident.
The second thing a woman needs to be wise is confidence. She needs confidence to put into practice - to experiment with - the things she learns about men. I’m really very big on giving practical advice. “Try this and let me know what happens.”
But it takes a confident woman to step out and actually do that. If you're timid about it, you won't try. But if you have that confidence, you'll try it. And if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work, and you move on to the next strategy. That’s why I’m here as a coach: to help you figure out what that next strategy is going to be.
Lots and lots of information is available on my website and on YouTube. So I hope you'll stay tuned to gain the confidence you need. You’ll be armed with knowledge (truth) and confidence.
3. Be focused on goodness.
The last part - probably not the definitive part, but certainly very, very important is the third quality. A wise woman must be focused on goodness. She’s focused on receiving goodness from her Creator. She's also focused on creating goodness in her life. That is, she doesn't get caught up in negative stuff. Instead she dwells on things that are good and right and pure. And she brings goodness to everyone she encounters. That doesn't mean she's always happy and upbeat. It means that her bottom-line goal is to find the good and multiply the good in her own life and her own relationships. In her family. In the world. It’s incredibly important to have.
Be brave and confident. Focus on goodness.
I want to give you as much practical advice as I can here. I want to encourage you! You are the whole reason I started A Wise Woman's Guide. I’m posting one to two times per week on YouTube, but also on my blog. I invite you to follow me. Check out the articles for practical tips as well as encouragement. Learn how to be brave, confident, and focused as you follow along with me on this journey.
If you have any questions, please let me know. I welcome your feedback Make comments here or on YouTube. That’s why I’m here. This is my passion.
Take care, and I’ll see you soon!