He may need more than you can give

Jul 07, 2021
When you love a broken man ...

Is the man you love “a diamond in the rough,” “a work in progress,” or “a piece of work”?

  • Does he shut down?
  • Get angry easily?
  • Disappear for hours at a time?
  • Do you feel like you need to fix him?
We don’t always notice at first.

But if we do see red flags, we tend to ignore them with a love-conquers-all attitude.

The truth is, most men are simultaneously healthy & broken (to one degree or another), simply because of the way they were created & have been treated throughout their lives.

It’s called normative developmental trauma.

The Truth (with a capital T) is that The Creator has a deep desire to heal every man’s brokenness – as well as every woman’s pain.

When you love a man – no matter how broken or emotionally healthy he is, you will need an ongoing dose of Divine Wisdom. Here are 3 things to keep in mind as you move forward.

  1. Men usually respond well to women who are healthy, so that’s a great place for you to begin.
  2. If he doesn’t respond well, he may be in a deadly trap that requires more than you can give. He needs Divine Intervention.
  3. Because his woman is also broken, she cannot save him alone. In fact, she may need Divine Intervention, too. Which brings us back to #1.

A Broken Man in Adultery

Sometimes a man goes outside his marriage. For things his Creator intends him to enjoy within his marriage.

Most guys I’ve known who are broken in this way did not set out to have an affair. But with each encounter, he dives deeper into the emotional abyss he is trying to avoid.

That’s how evil works.

Abandonment by a Broken Man

Plagued by fear, shame, and doubt, his autonomic nervous system initiates the fight, flight, or freeze response. Usually, that means a wall of protection for himself.

As a result, you feel left out, left behind, or all alone. Chasing after him only makes matters worse by triggering more fear, shame, and doubt.

An evil trap designed to separate you both from Love.

Addiction for a Broken Man

No man starts doing something harmful because he wants more pain.

At first, the behavior is a way of coping with his painful emotions. Alcohol, drugs, sex/porn, work, or food provide a way of escaping that soon takes over his soul and ruins his life.

As with adultery, each step sends him deeper into the emotional abyss he is trying to avoid.

Yes, that really is how evil works.

Abuse and a Broken Man

Physical, psychological/emotional, sexual, and spiritual abuse are attempts to feel in control by controlling someone else.

We most often think of men as the perpetrators of domestic violence and abuse. However, a broken man may be – or may have been – a victim himself. Sometimes he’s both.

Either way, safety is the primary concern for all. Without safety, fear runs rampant.

Which is always the end goal of evil.

So What Does Divine Intervention Look Like?

Our Creator works in many mysterious ways. Sometimes directly. Sometimes through others.

What He does in your situation will depend on how He sees what you need, as well as what your broken man needs.

  • My personal favorite is the way He speaks straight into my heart, and I pray you both hear His voice in that way.
  • Our Creator also intervenes through education, support groups, and counseling, to name a few.

Let’s talk.

I’m here help you find the answers you’re looking for. Sometimes we can find those answers together. Other times, I can help you connect with the resources you need.

You are welcome to schedule a free, private 30-minute Zoom consultation.

Just check my calendar below for available dates and times.

I look forward to talking with you soon.


In life & in love, things aren't always as they seem.

In We've been lied to ... Dr. Debi reveals 3 common deceptions that can affect women's relationships with men.

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